We're on the same team

I was giving a talk to parents the other week about the developing teenage brain, and it proved useful in many ways, not least as a reminder that our children are often doing the best they can with the brain they have.

Fundamentally, our kids want their lives to work out. They’re not deliberately trying to mess them up (despite what we might think when we witness some of their actions and behaviours that seem at odds with this!). It isn’t a lack of desire on their part, it’s a different timeline in developing the necessary skills to get them where they want to be.

Whilst the brain stops growing in size by adolescence, it continues to re-model itself through the teenage years. The front part of our brain, the pre-frontal cortex, is re-modelled last. This is the decision-making part of the brain, responsible for your child’s ability to plan and think about the consequences of actions, solve problems and control impulses. This part of the brain doesn’t mature until we’re in our mid to late twenties, so the behaviours and skills we want and expect our kids to demonstrate are dependent on a part of their brain that isn’t fully developed yet.

Just knowing this can help us adjust our expectations and see that our children are usually doing their best with the brain they have. We’re all on the same team, just on different development timelines.